Dear Caregiver,
Behind every cancer survivor is a caregiver. You may be a family member, partner, or friend, but whatever your relationship with them, you are the primary person helping care for and advocate alongside a survivor (a person with cancer from diagnosis through end of life). Often going unnoticed, it can be a tough role to fill.
When I graduated from nursing school, my mother would joke that she should get her nursing degree too, as she had walked with me through that journey. Conversely, I would argue that you, too, are also a survivor as you care for them every step of the way.
Many times, caregiving is a thankless role.
A role where you are asked questions, many of which you may not have the answers to. You have a front row seat to suffering or pain that is difficult to control. You may help make decisions that others do not understand, especially if they are not able to see the full picture.
However, you are valuable. Necessary. Needed. Your cancer survivor may not have the energy to say thank you, but what they go through is not by choice, and is hard to walk alone. You may not have the words, but you can hold their hand. You were given the gift of vulnerability, where you were invited into real—sometimes messy experiences—with another person.
Many times, caregiving is a lonely role.
It may feel that no one can understand what you are dealing with, but you are not alone. There are others in similar situations, and there are also your own family and friends who care about you. Be honest about how you may be doing with yourself and with others. We are built to be in community.
Amid caring for another, please take care of yourself. It may only look like a few moments here and there of doing something you enjoy, but those moments can bring the energy and refreshment you need before returning to the next thing. Go to your own doctor’s appointments and pay attention to how stress and fatigue may be affecting your own health.
Laugh often. Those small moments that bring smiles and laughter are life giving.
At times there is an accompanying mental and emotional battle. It is just that – a battle. Take supplies with you to the battlefield – such as going to therapy, joining a caregiver support group, or finding another way to process what you are going through. Journaling, yoga, relaxation, and more can be tools that help you, and as a result, help the person you care for. When you give care to yourself, you can be a better care giver. You cannot give from an empty cup.
What you do as a caregiver may be difficult, but it is important. You make a difference. Out of all the things I can write, please hear these two words: thank you.
Here are some practical tips for caregivers:
- Be honest with yourself on the difficulty of what you are experiencing.
- Take care of your own health – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.
- You don’t always know what things will look like, so know when to ask questions. Call the nurse or nurse navigator of the person you support.
- Don't assume – oftentimes our perception of something like hospice is just the tip of what it truly can offer. Ask questions and be willing to learn.
- Rather than google, ask the health care team for trusted resources.
- Face the tough questions with the health care team, so you can make the most of the last days when they come.
- Have a good, trustworthy listener – someone you can discuss things with other than the cancer survivor (with their permission). If everyone involved is willing, have them listen in to doctor’s appointments to help understand what is being said. Someone you can call on, but who also calls on you.
- Know when to ask for help. It is difficult to ask for help and difficult even to receive help, but it helps the person offering to assist too. It’s important to accept and take advantage of help.
- Utilize your community – set up a Caring Bridge or Lotsa Helping Hands to communicate updates and needs.
- Be sensitive to the changing needs of the person you are caregiving for – as they WILL change. Being flexible and able to adjust goes a long way.
- Have a binder or folder where you keep information for the person you care for – list out the health care team members and contact information, a medication chart that is easily editable to change as needed.
Caregiving Resources
Baptist Cancer Center is happy to provide you with this list of caregiver resources. Have questions? Please reach out to us.
